Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
