Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
