UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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