Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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