come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My life is pants optional.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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