guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
