my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
