What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
