y did u give ur computer a hand job?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
