.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
