why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
