OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
two words: eviction party
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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