whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
