you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
