I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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