Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
