does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you never un-have a 4some
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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