I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
no you cant smoke seaweed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
