Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
