So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
