We're like a lot better than the average bears
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
