At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
