he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
