theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
