Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
