Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
