The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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