who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
