my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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