you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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