Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
