I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
