Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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