chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
