He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
