Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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