Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
