I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
