I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
