forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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