that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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