HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
