is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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