My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
