I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
