I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
