i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
