Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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