1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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