Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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