How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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