Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
