can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
