I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
