we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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