what day is it and did you see me today?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
