How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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