Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
