Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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