I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
